14 November 2006

I dream of Kiwi.

Lately I've been feeling in tune with our national bird's shy yet complex nature. I've been nocturnal, elusive and somewhat reclusive while scurrying in the dark and keeping to myself.
So seeing as this little Kiwi finally feels the conditions are safe enough to poke a beak out and emerge from my otherwise safe and warm confines, here are two clips for all Kiwi both home and away. One that will melt your heart, and one you have always held close to it.


By Erueti Brown with 5 comments

04 November 2006

Cheesy Nuts.

This evening while I was making a quick salad with rocket, baby spinach and feta cheese, Sue happened to notice something that puzzled us both listed on the feta cheese label.

"May contain trace elements of nuts".

From Strange Label
Why is that? Are they feeding the cows nuts, or is it simply because once a month they shut down the cheese factory and make peanut butter? I don't know, but maybe someone out there knows why and could shed some light on our little dilemma.

Also, does anyone know the process used to get the 'M's on all the M & M's? I can Imagine thousands of M & M's laid out on an enormous tray and a huge stamp, but I think it's more likely that they pass through a rolling printer on a conveyor belt of some sort.

So in either case if you have an idea or a theory I'd love to hear from you.

By Erueti Brown with 2 comments

28 October 2006

Everything Maori is new again ...

Just a quicky for my Maori set.

Fellas, looky what I scoped at Iko-Iko yesterday?

From Warrior After...

By Erueti Brown with 2 comments

26 October 2006

Goodbye Hello Tiki.

It's a crying low down dirty shame ...
But I guess it serves no purpose for me to whine or rant "woulda, coulda, shoulda"... because really, if the Queen had balls, she'd be f--ken King now wouldn't she?

After weeks with my head buried in the sand absorbed in my "Hello Tiki" concept, I emerge with my spoils only to find that some chump has beaten me to the punch for the naming rights.
I did feel angry and entertained thoughts of throwing down the mattresses, but after much deliberation I would like to introduce to all to a cute little character I've created simply named "Good Tiki".

From Hanging Tiki ...
I've done a lot of work building the philosophy behind Good Tiki and I have pulled together some pieces I'm actually quite proud of. Recently I've been working on a collection of T-Shirts (as pictured) for friends and family and shoes too (and I'm considering an exhibition).

If you haven't already seen my growing series then check out my flickr page.

By Erueti Brown with 2 comments

24 October 2006

Colour in a day.

Even though I started quite some time ago and my "Colour in a day" Mosaic isn't complete just yet, I thought I would give you all a sneak peek at what I'm working with any hows. Each day I pick a new colour as a subject to take photographs of ( I'm working my way through ROYGBIV).

What I enjoy most about this exercise is that I really have started to take "notice" of what I "notice". Focusing on a single colour a day has somehow trained my brain and eye to scan my everyday surroundings in much finer detail. Like some sort of reverse colour blindness, I find the colour I am needing to seek out that day really starting to pop out in my normally unconscious environment, while the rest of the world bleeds into the background with an almost black and white appearance.

And what's cooler is after seven day's of dedication and trying not to cheat, I almost have enough photographs to make a rainbow!

From Colour-in-a-day

By Erueti Brown with 2 comments

Bucc Krunk Strong!

From My Luxury Kicks
Check it. I've been waiting for awhile but yes, yours truly is now counted amongst the few to have jacked a dope pair of limited edition Luxury "Benjamin" kicks by Valdo.
Finally, something to get the living sh-t kicked out of me for, I can't wait!

By Erueti Brown with 2 comments

22 October 2006

Monkey See, Money Do.

Real monkeys probably love bananas as much as real rabbits love carrots and real mice love cheese with holes in it. But if you've ever seen their banana pinching technique in action and tried it out yourself you'll realise our simian cousins really have this whole effortless banana peeling thing down.

Next time you have a banana handy, instead of pulling back the stem until it snaps to open and peel the banana, try a pinch with a little twist at the tip of the opposite end and you'll immediately notice the difference (and the unbroken stem acts like a kind of Popsicle stick which certainly aids enjoyment.. )

If you're still in need of a quick visual demonstration of this method, press play or go to YouTube.

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

21 October 2006

My Invaders.

Anyone who knows me well, knows it's not uncommon for me to experience a sudden flurry of creative thoughts. However they (along with anyone else who has spent more than a couple of days around me) would also know that it is uncommon for me to commit or act upon or complete any of my fantastical ideas.

Well lately there has been a shift in that paradigm and I am happy to announce that I have been "doing more doing" rather than spouting on and on about "doing".

So long story short, (and bear in mind it's an experimental process and not the best photo), marvel as I present to you my new "Space Invader Shoes". Aren't they ill?
From Invader Shoes

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

18 October 2006

Seinfield, Weird Al, the Vulture, H20 and Coke syrup.

Here's a quick link dump of 5ive things that have absorbed my time over the last week.

1. Forgive me if I'm last again to pickup on this but did you know for some reason there's a reference to "Super Man" in every single Seinfeld episode? Yep, every single one, so don't bother checking and oh yeah, there's also the Amex campaign.

2. Speaking of reference drops. What's up with Weird Al and his strange obsession with the number twenty seven? It's a little spooky.

3. If you're a reader of Vultures Droppings, you would have noticed how on-point their way-out tongue and cheek fashion predictions turn out to be. (A few of their predictions have been: The advent of skull and crossbones on everything, retro pink unicorns and rainbows on undersized tees/jumpers and the mysterious rise of the handkerchief as neckerchief). Their Autumn pick for guys scares me a little - so get ready for the soon-to-be-spotted-on-a-hipster-near-you essential fashion item: The "balki vest"? LOL, come on guys say it aint so!

4. Has designer water gotten as out of hand as it is expensive? Bling water wtf! via neatorama.

5. Noticed this on boingboing. Deep Fried Coca Cola batter drizzled in cola syrup and topped with whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry. Mmm, hearty and healthy!

By Erueti Brown with No comments

16 October 2006

Work Schmurk.

You know, I've started at a new job which to be honest, sucks Yeti sacks. I'm no flakey hug-a-tree-feral-hippie but I would have burned the whole f--ken place to the ground by now if not for the beautiful vista's out my window. Check my eye candy view out.
From my work

By Erueti Brown with 2 comments

13 October 2006

Graagh, Brains!

Well it's Friday the 13th and Iam back home after attending and surviving our capitals 1st Zombie march. (After party should be kicking off around 3pm at the Massey Student Union Common Room for any welly interested).

While sadly not participating as a member of the 50 deep seething horde, (I noticed there weren't any Maori zombies. That's probably because as a deeply spiritual people, we have a natural immunity to zombie bites, and not because of the quality of our brains lol!) I had hoped to bait a few twitchers into a wee chase by hanging a sign around my neck that read "Mrh?", but my in joke backfired as it would seem the only mmrpg jive this "Zmobie" (not a spelling mistake, a "Zmobie" is a mob of zombies) crew might be hip to is "World of War Craft" based and not "Urban Dead". These are the only pictures which managed to come out semi okay.

Anyway props and mad zombie love to the march organisers. I'm already looking forward to the next one. Graagh!

From Zombie March
* Oh and for any UD Zed spies or twitchers looking to get rowdy, my Urban Dead Nick is "eruasskicker". I'm in the bottom righthand quadrant of Caiger and like all members in the 'CMS' set, I've got your Barhah right here sucker.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

11 October 2006

Pink is the new brown.

Woo hoo! I'm not normally the type of guy who goes around saying how pretty I look in my new pretty pink clothes, but my Bathing Ape zip hoodie arrived in the mail today and right now I'm looking pretty badass if I don't say so myself.
From Bathing Ape B...

By Erueti Brown with No comments

07 October 2006

Quick review of the weekend.

From oct 08
So Coca-Cola I've noticed has decided to bring 'Mello Yellow ' back from the nostalgic 80's and once again onto the supermarket shelves, but this time as a limited edition soft drink.
Limited edition? WTF is this the start of? Next it'll be an invite only line of limited edition BAPE bottle tops? F--ken otaku. *speaking of BAPE and otaku, love him or hate him if you haven't checked out Nigos awesome UK pad or his even crazier toy collection, get ready too cry. link
Also there have been some other strange goings on in the imported beer aisle of my supermarket. Monty Python Holy Grail Beer? Pink Elephant Delirium Beer and this label just begs the question - "Is my pilot downing a pint before, during, or after takeoff?".

What else has happened across my radar this weekend?
Oh that's right, Keisha castle Hugh's, (Of 'Whale Rider', 'Star Wars' and Princes 'Cinnamon Girl' fame), is sixteen now and as if to prove shes all grown up, she's gotten herself all knocked up. Our shy little Kiwi, Paikia is preggers. Aww...

I guess that's about it, apart from this Alligator (or Crocodile) handbag we saw amongst the hipster treasures in 'Hunters and Collectors' today. Crikey!

From oct 08

By Erueti Brown with 2 comments

05 October 2006

Wave your Poo Flag high.

If you've ever spent any time lurking around sidewalk curbs or spying lawn frontages desperate for a worthy turd, then I know how you feel. Poo flagging might be immature sure, but it's addictive.

I think the current "Bush-turding" craze - while worthy - is just the tip of the cloaca and comparable to thinking you've done something incredible by encircling the moon between your thumb and forefinger. For impact, its best to think globally while striking locally. Whether you're a jilted ex-lover or an unhappy customer, opportunities abound so stick it to that poo!

As a rule of thumb perhaps it's best to remember that old Austin Powers adage:

"Who does number two work for?"

Poo-vertising. It's subversive as f--k!

From Don Brash Poo...

By Erueti Brown with No comments

03 October 2006


Any idea I might have had about what the Internet was good for (other than the obvious), completely changed back in mid 2000, when a friend of mine introduced me to the then pioneering website 'memepool'. (back before the concept or term 'meme' was commonly thrown around like so many hairs upon a moulting cat).

This marked the beginning of a long golden age of digital self discovery, with classics like "All Your Base...", "The Terrible Secret of Space"etc etc all courtesy of memepool's ever present all seeing eye.

Sadly, the spell it seems has lifted because for most of this year and the year previous, the 'memes' of memepool have been few and far between, and quite frankly as a longtime reader ... not worth the click. But as I was skurfing passed the other day, I noticed in one foul swoop - (excuse the pun) - their Sat Sep16 post stepped up with something truly 'WFTITS!!!'.

But before embarking, consider this your only warning. This is filthy, this is weird. It's full on raw-adults-only-crazy-dinosaur video porn * NSFW * Think what you like about me and my tastes but I think it's f--ken hilarious!

Pterodactyls/Dino/Gay Dinosaur Porn.

Cheers memepool, nice job!

By Erueti Brown with 2 comments

01 October 2006

Happy Valley Enigma?

For some reason, I was born a fossicker and have always enjoyed a good old trip to the garbage dump over a trip to the beach. My favourite dump (or landfill) is sadly no longer with us (Grrr) however, I am growing rather fond of the Southern Landfill or what is more locally known as 'Happy Valley Dump'.

Happy Valley residents seem to be made up of an odd mixture of student surfers, show horse breeders, bagel bakers and Limousine drivers all somehow managing to thrive around the glaringly obvious giant landfill.
None more so than the person(s) responsible for what I like to refer to as "The Happy Valley Enigma". At the base of the road leading to the Landfill it sits, a proud but lonely (I've never seen anyone there), sprawling behemoth of giant turbine propeller blades, enormous cogs and delicately balanced boulders, lovingly (and backbreaking) placed one upon another. You will either (as I did) automatically fall in love with the energy exuding from the place or turn away in horror, a gasp as one hideous eyesore after another reveals itself.

Every time we go to the dump (and theses days any excuse will do), I have Sue make a special effort to pull over and wait in the car (what a girl to patiently wait outside a dump by herself!) while I venture around this beautiful giant installation, getting bolder and keener to explore more with every visit.
Let me tell you what a richly random yet intentional assortment of items on display once your eyes move past the giant construction galleries and you begin to pick out the smaller things in the surroundings. I've seen the beginnings of an underground tunnel covered in saw blades, a shed filled with a mountain of old rusty spanners on one side and a spooky tree growing out from the middle covered in forgotten hanging portraits on the other. (I'll get the photographs to prove this).

And Oh yeah I almost forgot. A dead body...

... Well to be precise, maybe a torso...maybe, and there's quite a lot of creepy bird taxidermy on display nailed to an adjoining wall.

It is my resolve then to find out who is responsible for this labour of twisted love (and possible murder or grave robbery). And to try and talk Sue into driving me out there at night (while not freaking out and driving off without me), when there's a bit more of an atmosphere to capture for some photographs. I don't rate my chances very high as Sue refuses to have anymore to do with my favourite little haunt after I showed her the Torso Pic and bird taxidermy (closer picture. Any guesses what it might be if not a torso?).

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

30 September 2006

Live reports of a melting earth from 41 17 S 174 47 E (5:00 a.m.)

AND SO, after a very long hiatus I am at last back to quell/expell any and all rumours that may be circulating regarding my untimely demise. I will however, admit to entertaining some thoughts of ending it altogether ... blog wise that is - but if I have learnt anything from this whole blogging experience so far, it is simply this:

To write only what I know from my own viewpoint and to only post original content that I love.

Looking back on my very first post, I realise now 117 posts later, my goals and aims behind starting Eru's LifeCache were five simple but ambitious intentions.

1. That it doesn't smoke pole. (Unless it's real tasty pole)
2. That I eventually gain some readership other than myself, my Girlfriend and my Mother.
3. That I have something interesting to talk about next time I'm at an Ooh-Im-Soo-Cool-And-Radical-Like-Ohwow-So-Totally-Radical Party.
4. That I get invited to some of these Ooh-Im-Soo-Cool-And-Radical-Like-Ohwow-So-Totally-Radical Parties.
5. That is doesn't smoke anything other than the tastiest tasty pole.

Well, I have strayed and lost my way. I made the mistake (as millions of other webloggers with weblogs that aren't really weblogs do) of trying to emulate the blogs I love, at the expense finding and developing a strong voice of my own. That's not to say that I won't still post things I find interesting on other sites of course (and with due credit to my sources). It's just that I will no longer use other people's creative efforts to drive my blog. God knows you can see those mirrored, copycatted and regurgitated throughout the blogosphere, but this is the only place you can come to to hear one from one blogger, me, and I hope that that's a valid enough reason for why you might want to stop by again.

So, there you have it dear reader. My name is Eru I'm a blogger and welcome to 'Eru's LifeCache'.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

05 September 2006

Ceci n'est pas une photographie.

This is not a photograph of Korean actress Song Hye Kyo.

It's a super-phphoto realisticomputer rendering of Korean actress Song Hye Kyo by Indonesian artist Max Edwin Wahyudi.

While I'm showcasing bleeding edge technologies, I'm pretty excited by what Jeff Han has been up too. However after viewing the clip, it was immediately obvious atleast to me that if this 'dissolving interface' is any glimpse of what we have to look forward to, then there's a huge future in window cleaning solutions.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

04 September 2006

Crikey! What a little ripper of news a story!

Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin IS DEAD!

The 44-year-old is believed to have been killed by a stingray barb that went through his chest while filming an underwater documentary off Port Douglas.

It is not known at this stage if the unidentified stingray was part of an Al qaeda splinter cell known to operate within Australian waters, but intelligence reports are warning that this may be the first of many terror tactics deployed by the Al qaeda network of recruiting young, easily coerced disaffected stingrays.


By Erueti Brown with No comments

30 August 2006

Is Google God?

A convincing argument can be made stating that the search engine Google is the closest mankind has ever come to experiencing an actual Deity. It is the ultimate bridge between people and information.

Deities are typically described by their unique attributes such as being all-knowing, all-seeing, everywhere at once, the ability to answer prayers (search), being immortal, infinite, remembering all (Google cache) and of course Deities must "do no evil".
Google exhibits all of these characteristics perfectly. Google is certainly the closest thing human kind has to a true, real God.

Google is the great uniting force among contemporary religions of the present. Individuals of all religious background from around the world use Google on a daily basis. Muslims, Christians, Jews and even Scientologists use Google and Her mighty Algorithms in search of life's great mysteries. Google is common ground among the worlds major religions, bringing hope for religious peace.

Want more information on Googlism or interested in joining 'The Church of Google'? Link

By Erueti Brown with No comments

28 August 2006

The End Is Nigh Mayan?

Crackpot or Prophet Yisrayl Hawkins has a message and he wants you to 'Mark It On Your Bathroom Mirror'.
He is 100% certain and has convinced a growing army of followers that in a little over 2 weeks from now, on September 12, 2006 a nuclear war will erupt and one third of the total human population will perish.

Needless to say that's a pretty big scary claim to make, and a lot of people are gathering up their provisions and dusting off the bunkers in preparation for a nuclear Christmas.

Unrattled, I am already working on my 'I survived Sept 12 06' t-shirt, because it's utterly ridiculous and preposterous to think the world is actually going to end .... because everyone knows that's not scheduled to happen until December 21, 2012 around 11:11 (universal time).

By Erueti Brown with No comments

26 August 2006

Cheap is the new expensive, unless it's ridiculously expensive.

These two items piqued my interest probably because being born March 20th on the cusp of Pisces, I am apparently ruled by the feet and an unrealistic dreamer.

Stephon Xavier Marbury, NBA point guard for the New York Knicks, is guaranteed to shake things up both on and off the court with the release of his dope $15 (actually $14.98) Starbury Sneakers. Available only at Steve and Barry's stores in the NYC area, the altruistic slogan is "We created Starbury so you can stay fly and still stay on budget. It's about maximum for minimum expense." Finally, a shoe that tomorrow's NBA stars might actually be able to afford. Thumbs up! Link

On the other end of the spectrum, there are the Squillionaires.

Awhile back I baulked at the limited edition black diamond cellphone weighing in at $300,000. However since then, 'Goldvish' has become the new word for excess. Handmade from solid gold and encrusted with 120 carats worth of WS-1 grade diamonds. This cellphone currently tips the scale at $1.26 million. F--k! Link

By Erueti Brown with No comments

22 August 2006

Bathroom on the right,TCB.

I Used To Believe is a site which describes itself as a funny and bizarre collection of ideas that we adults thought were true about the world around us when we were children. Reading through the entries visitors have left will remind most of you of the odd stuff you took for granted as a child and reassure you that a lot of the things you used to believe weren't so strange (or uncommon) after all.

My rummage through the 'most common beliefs' section, led to the discovery that I am not the only person who heard "Bathroom on the right" in the lyrics of Credence Clear water Revival's song instead of "Bad Moon On The Rise". Finally resolved!

As a side note. Have you ever noticed whenever someone starts belting out Aretha Franklin's tune "Respect" they always go:

Find out what it means to me
...mumble mumble, mumble mumble...

Well if you are one of those mumblers, that last line of the chorus is "Take care, TCB" - which is an acronym for take/taking care of business.


By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

18 August 2006

Four hours shaving my Eru?

Am I being paranoid or is someone in my circle responsible for this?

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

Viva la musica revolution!

So NZ finally got MTV hurray! But something tells me it won't be long before our small nation starts to wonder - "where the f--k did all these sexually promiscuous teenagers suddenly appear from?"

Here's what I think we have to look forward to once the MTV programming kicks in and quickly whips the youth culture into shape.
  • The highest incidence rate in the OECD of cervical cancer, syphilis and squealing Paris Hilton-esque 'like-oh-my-god' valley-girls.
  • Suicides amongst 14-17 yr old males who couldn't choose between pimping or starting up an edgy electro/clash band.
  • Self harming trustifarian Emo teens, blogging whining about how hard it is getting any good barbiturates they can overdose on in New Zealand schools .

By Erueti Brown with No comments

17 August 2006

Aw pleeease? All the popular 2.0 kids are doing it...

Before the current 2.0 bubble pops and reconnaissance reports from the bleeding edge force us to redesign it all over again in a wood theme, why not inject some swank into your blog with this sweet text to web 2.0 generator. (or migrate over

By the way, have you migrated to 'beta.blogger' yet? Awesome new features but not much use to me till they make a full html template editor available.

via [the generator blog]


By Erueti Brown with No comments

16 August 2006

Heads get flown.

You've really gotta give credit to Jenova Chen, Nicholas Clark and Austin Wintory for the all the effort they clearly put into churning out their fabulous flash game 'flow'.

It's f--ken awesome.

I'm a huge fan of any game with heart, originality and elegant thoughtful design. ('n', eyemaze's grow series and mono, are three beautiful examples that come to mind)
Therefore, I was taken with flow's simple, clean aesthetics and immediately hooked by it's slick and insanely addictive gameplay - which I hear draws it's inspiration from psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

Admittedly at first, it did take me a bit to sort out exactly what was going on - but what a richly rewarding experience it was chasing down and out-maneuvering other players once I finally did get dialed in.

Also there's an offline version (8.4mb) freely available for download too.


By Erueti Brown with No comments

14 August 2006

Ruckus never sleeps.

Like the Merry Pranksters from 'The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test', I feel called to shake things up a bit with a little mostly harmless 'freaking session'.
After adding my own personal touches to a document I happened to stumbleupon, this prank is now ready to go live. Feel free to disseminate or make modifications. Have fun!

By Erueti Brown with No comments

13 August 2006


First off I don't know a damn thing about product placement hierarchy or the subliminal manipulation tactics at play when herding shoppers through supermarket aisles, but I saw this sign recently and wondered how that must be going for them.

*Barely audible loudspeaker* "...ahem.. Good afternoon customers. If you are looking for our disposable nappy range, they have been moved and are now conviently located in aisle 5 between the spermicidal gels and pubic lice relief cream. Thank you for shopping with us..."

By Erueti Brown with No comments

12 August 2006

How eXistenZ is this?

It doesn't fire those cool bullets made from human teeth like in the movie, but I think director David Cronenberg would be proud. For obvious reasons (???) Dutch artist Joanneke Meester had an 8-inch-long piece of her skin surgically removed so she could use it to cover a gun-shaped plastic and fiber mold.
via neatorama, Link: jianneke meester

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

10 August 2006

Tall, Dark and Gluton Free.

I've done my stint managing cafes and being a barista, and more than smiling sincerely or engaging friendly eye contact and conversation - hospitality involves being a keen observer of people. More particularly, being an observant reader of the subtle yet incredibly complex behavioral patterns and trends exhibited by a group that makes up to 60-80% of anyones clientele/customer base - women.

And the two things I've learned if anything are these.
  1. Women who don't mind paying more than usual for a single wee morsel of well presented chocolate on their plate, must think that the only thing worse than being caught greedily scoffing something large and undainty into their gob, is being caught greedily scoffing something large and undainty into their gob when 'Mr. Right' walks through the door.

  2. Given the choice, I've found most men are not likely to say the following:

    Phil: "Hey Steve, I'm dying for a pint. How about we duck out for a bit and go down the road for a quick beer?"

    Steve: "Yeah maybe, or do you think we should spoil ourselves with a chai latte and split something small and decadent from that gorgeous little cafe we love around the corner?"

    Phil: "Oh you evil fat pig! Come on then slut, my treat".

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

09 August 2006

Fool, I know what time the eight o' clock train leaves the station...

I have an irrational morbid fear that one day I'm going to be confronted with a life or death situation and be lucky enough to emerge only to say something retarded redundant on live television.

Imagine some kind of tragedy has occured and there you are; center stage, perhaps in shock, maybe a little traumatised with a camera man and boom looming. We viewers at home are not expecting "I have a dream" from you, but please, for your own sake, at least consider the words you're about to push out of your mouth. Trust me.
On top of it all, you don't want to look like a dick on the news now do you?
No, of course you don't.
So do yourself a favour and try to remember this. If you are ever involved in a horrific catastrophe or emergency and/or when a newspaper reporter or anchor person approaches to question you about the incident, try to muster every last remaining ounce of your strength against babbling something obvious like this:
  • " ...He came running at me, with those crazy eyes, swinging that big kitchen knife... and I knew right then I had to do something..."
  • "... the plane's wing torn off and we plunged into an uncontrollable nose dive, and at that moment I remember thinking to myself, we're going to crash..."
  • "... he wasn't moving at all, the shark had clean bitten off his entire lower torso and I could tell if I didn't act quickly and get some medical attention, he wasn't going to make it..."
  • "...I immediately knew something was wrong when the bungy cord snapped..."
It's practically an inescapable everyday occurrence. I wait squirming through news segments whenever participants or onlookers are asked to describe what happened, because they always do it .

Now I know this might sound harsh, and I don't want to come off like an uncompassionate individual for mentioning it.
But y'know what?
If I was the reporter, it would be a struggle for me not to just lean over and clock 'em right in the mouth and say "Don't you know how f--ken stupid that sounded?".

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

08 August 2006

What do you see on the bottle?

A couple engaged in a bit of a 'hows your father' moment right? Well interestingly, research has shown that young children cannot distinguish this racy pair because they do not have prior memory associated with such a scenario. Innocently enough however what they do see are the nine playful dolphins in the picture.

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

07 August 2006

The Wilhelm scream.

If you have never heard of The Wilhelm scream, it's probably because like me you're not a sound designer or a movie cliche Aficionado either. But I promise, chances are good that just like me you'll suddenly start hearing it everywhere and enjoy a smug 'in the know' chuckle to yourself.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

06 August 2006

Hustle just Blowed.

Last night after countless recommendations from people who should know better and while not exactly feeling spoilt for choice at the video store, Sue and I finally buckled and watched director Craig Brewers Sundance Film Festival winning movie
'Hustle & Flow'.

Now I'm the first to admit that as an isolated colony here in the Outer Southern Antipodes, it's both part of our blessing and part of our curse that things tend to take their sweet time filtering down to us, and for that reason it's easy to feel out of touch with the happenings and goings on of the rest of the planet at large.
However even after a bit of googling to find some supportive views, Sue and I are beginning to question our sanity because, could we possibly be anymore alone?

Wasn't 'Hustle & Flow' a f--ken embarrassingly stupid joke?


By Erueti Brown with No comments

05 August 2006

"The Internet is a series of YOU's".

Net Neutrality traditionally means the neutrality of the basic Internet protocols with respect to the diverse ways in which they can be used. Network neutrality has become a highly contested area of law in the United States as a result of competition and merger and acquisition activity between telephone companies and digital cable operators, controversial statements by Telco officials, and several other factors.

Well f--k 'em and sign me up. We are the Internet and this sh-t has to stop.


There are several organizations who are taking action to 'save the Internet.' One of them is 'We Are The Web,' represented by some very well-known personalities: Leslie 'Sweater Girl' Hall, Peter Pan and Tron Guy. Stop by and visit their well crafted site and do your part by spreading the message.


By Erueti Brown with No comments

04 August 2006

Web 3.0 mea culpa.

Due to a stupid oversight on my part, I have only now noticed (to my horror) the flood of visitors being misdirected here from Listables 18 resources on Cool Web 3.0 Apps.

The issue is yet to be rectified, so sorry Listable visitors, my apologies and I'll say it again. I am a tool.
And I'll give the rest of you this piece of well learnt advice.

Don't make the mistake of submitting a stupid comment you'd rather not be held accountable for about a list, to the list or this will happen. (scroll down to no. 13)

By Erueti Brown with No comments

03 August 2006

Im A Modern Man.

Comedian George Carlin is a modern man (transcript) and his machine gun barrage of social commentary provides more proof that the Generation C phenomenon is not an age specific demographic trend that caters exclusively to a new niche generation of youngsters.
(via growabrain and vsocial)

By Erueti Brown with No comments

02 August 2006

Crap Camp.

Can you think of a place and time that you are ever more in touch with who you really are more than when you are on the crapper having a dump?
Maybe something worth contemplating the next time you're shaping a torpedo or baking brownies is that however brief or long the window in time, you are truly being you.
Not the you you present to the world, but the you when no one is watching and there's a bear in the cave you. No phoniness, no lies, no justifications.
No excuses.
Alone on the shitter you know that along with your underwear, it's also a safe place to drop all your flase pretenses, because it's not like you're trying to impress anybody in the toilet. It's fine and okay for you to just be yourself. It doesn't matter whether you are a folder or a scruncher because you accept yourself in your totality. Unconditionally and without judgement. Exactly as you are and exactly as you aren't.

So how about this idea for a business venture? Crap Camp. All it would take to setup would be hiring or building some porta-loos and placing them in some beautiful, peaceful, idyllic location where new-age self helpers looking for the answers that were inside themselves all along can retreat to... Imagine that? You could charge f--ken shit loads!

By Erueti Brown with No comments

01 August 2006

Depression is anger without the enthusiasm.

If jealousy is the knowledge of what you must do to obtain something someone else has, then envy must be knowing that regardless of what you do you will never obtain what they have ...

And I've got to laugh really.

A guy with nothing but a coloured paperclip wants a house and suddenly has the whole world is lining up to throw money at him, where as I offer a 'free toy truck for a caption' and get no attention what so ever. What's up with that?
Perhaps its all about being unreasonable? Do unreasonable demands yield unreasonable results?

Yes surely that must be it.

My name is Erueti Brown and I want to trade this Hot Wheels truck for a Helicopter Gunship ...

By Erueti Brown with No comments

31 July 2006

Why did the blogger cross the road?

Last week I posted about our odd experience at the halal butchery. Inspired, I just had to go back and have a wee dabble. I've taken a photo of the item in question, which will also be featuring as the main ingredient for our dinner tonight.

You tell me, does this (frozen) honestly look like any chicken (thawed) you've seen before?

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

30 July 2006

Out and about: Sunday web driving.

I'm a little pressed for time so here's a small link dump of a few things that have piqued my interest over the weekend.

The Live Beluga webcam in Vancouver, Canada isn't interactive but those cute little guys antics are still very engaging.

Those of you feeling trapped and locked into your cellphone contracts finally have Cellswapper.
A very easy to use site for those of you looking to opt out of your cellphone contract or those looking to get a new plan with no activation fee, a free phone or short term contract.
Speaking of, have you seen the ridiculous limited edition 'Black Diamond' cellphone designed by Singaporean designer Jaren Goh? Get your order in now because it's due for an early spring release in the '07 and it's only $300,000.

Flickrites and all round shutterbugs should take note of the crew at Photojojo who claim to find only the most kick-ass photo tips, DIY projects. And indeed they have. Turn your photo into a mural at home in 5 minutes, print your friends' faces onto cupcakes, or get a bottlecap that turns any soda bottle into a tripod...

Eye gazing parties vs. Speed dating? Eye gazing everytime.

Finally. Be irrepressible.
If you believe in freedom of expression, and in the power of the internet, then I invite you to join in the Imnesty International campaign by adding a small amount of code to your blog template.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

29 July 2006

So very You.

A lot of this week has been spent skurfing loads of great crazy japanese programmes via YouTube. Deep Props has to go out to these guys for the service they provide. Being free, God knows how they're managing to keep it all rolling while making any money out of it. Bandwidth costs alone are apparently running in excess of $1 million US dollars/per month and climbing.

So cheers guys and while it's all still good, above is a short clip (25 seconds) of what a very spooked and freaked out owl looks like.

Also currently ranking high amongst my favourite japanese shows is "Silent Library"(09:45) hosted by kickboxer and four-time world K-1 champion Ernesto Frits Hoost, it's fairly Katamari Damacy for WTF craziness levels.

What do you think? Did Pink Floyd infact synchronize 'Dark side of the moon' to 'The Wizard of Oz'? Judge for yourself - long video though (43 mins).

By Erueti Brown with No comments

28 July 2006

How to make a hipster record bowl.

I love collecting vinyl and like any good collection I have quite a few crappy ones/double ups and down right stupid purchases
( ie Duran Duran-Hungry like the wolf.)
So seeing as theres a weekend coming up and if you're feeling crafty, here's a quick little project that is kinda kitsch, but if you have a coloured 12' instead of the black 45' I've shown in the example you'll be thinking is also kinda dope.
Obviously your going to need to find yourself a record, as wasteful as this sounds I've found new ones yield the best results.
  1. Heat oven to 100C/212F.
  2. Place record over a suitable oven safe bowl and place into the oven on the lowest shelf for 30 seconds.
  3. Gentlely press down in the center of the record, the record should bend easily and you should be able to shape it slightly, but be mindful of your hands because that sucka will be hot mama!
  4. Leave the hot record somewhere safe to cool and harden and voila!
Also (but not necessary) I think it adds to the bowls functionality to apply a couple of coats of clear epoxy resin (Or failing that a clear nail polish).
That way it doesn't scratch up when you throw things like keys in them and you can fill in the hole in the middle and maybe use it as a cereal bowl?
Have fun!

By Erueti Brown with No comments

27 July 2006

Oooh yeah..Sweet Design Porn.

How uber-deck must the guys and gal's over at 'atypyk' be?
Call me a trendfollowing materialistic consumer design whore if you'd like, but I am totally infactuated with their tight and often hilarious product line.
I mean, look at these products below and check out their site, then try telling me you don't desperately need something from them now too.

Clumsy Coaster

Piggy Bank Jigsaw

Time is money clock

Fifty duvet cover

One short coming with atypyk is a lot of their stuff is so brilliantly 'why-didn't-I-think-of-that?' simple, that it actually inspires you to steal their idea and attempt to fashion something similar at home.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

26 July 2006

London Calling?

Maybe it's all the sweltering brain-poaching heat they've been experiencing lately, but travellers heading to the UK should be warned there is strangeness afoot in London.

Street Wars

Londoners have begun a city-wide role-playing game where people roam the capital to shoot each other with water pistols against police cautions that contestants might be committing criminal offences.
"StreetWars" has already taken place in New York, Vancouver, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Vienna, and on their website, tournament organisers describe it as: "A three week long, 24/7, watergun assassination tournament."

As part of the game, participants are handed a manila envelope containing the details of their "target", including their name, home and work addresses, along with a picture, and are assigned with the task of "assassinating" them with a watergun. Upon being "killed", the person who has just been eliminated from the game hands details of their target to the successful "assassin".
The last person left standing after three weeks is declared the winner, and is given a cash prize which is usually around 500 dollars (395 euros), according to the tournament website.

Players are encouraged to track down their target in any way they see fit, with suggestions including posing as a delivery person, or putting on a disguise to fire on the target on the street. (Link)

It should also be noted that at this very moment, two other capitals are involved in a more intense variation of this tournament, which simply involves replacing the waterguns guns with missles and where players earn extra points for blindly killing any innocent civilians ...

Hmm? This just has warm gooey trouble dribbling all over it.


Yes that's right a Masturbate-a-thon.
A public Masturbate-a-thon, the first ever to be held in Europe, takes place in Clerkenwell, London on 5 August 2006 The event begins at 2:00 p.m. on August 5, 2006, and continues until 10:00 p.m. There will be three communal areas—mixed, men=only, and women only—but each of these will have screened areas for private masturbators. Masturbators ask friends, colleagues and loved ones to sponsor them to raise money for AIDS charities, in order to take part.
The amount raised is determined by how many minutes participants take to masturbate and / or the number of orgasms they achieve. You can also get sponsored simply for having the “courage” to turn up and participate. (Link) + an interview with organiser Tony Kerridge that should help to mop up any further questions via Vice.)

By Erueti Brown with No comments

25 July 2006

How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood?

Of course it has yet to be conclusively proven but I feel that it is reasonably safe to assume the answer to this famous tongue twister is pretty close to f--k all zero.

Contrary to popular belief, Woodchucks (or ground hogs) aren't particularly keen on wood at all, and while they can easily scale a tree to find a meal, they'd prefer a safe quiet existence scurrying about close to terra-firma.

The name Woodchuck comes from the Cree Indian name "wuchak", and these rodents are closely related to squirrels, marmots, and prairie dogs, with which they share an affinity for burrowing.

In actuality, a burrowing woodchuck can chuck dirt, in the form of tunnels that can reach five feet deep and as much as 35 feet in length. So, based on that number, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas calculated that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he could chuck as much as 700 pounds of the stuff!
(Cheers neatorama/mental floss and of course the Kermit Airgun club for the target!)

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

24 July 2006

Eclectic Eccentric Entropy.


The opposite of paranoia, pronoia is defined as the sneaking suspicion that the whole world is secretly conspiring to shower you with blessings.

I realise now that the above picture I took, while filled to the brim with crazy items and worth a good close look, doesn't have much if any obvious relevance to this posting - but that's just because you cant see them all conspiring ...

By Erueti Brown with No comments

23 July 2006

Smack my kids up?

As a minister of the clergy myself, I'm completely behind a persons right to choose their own religon and their freedom to express and exercise their personal beliefs.
How ever surely you know you're going to be rightly labelled as a redneck fundamentalist christian parent if you subscribe to any of the absurd draconian measures recommended by the 'Guide to smacking' from The Family Integrity booklet?

After reading the articles currently making the rounds here in NZ and abroad (I think MiFi linked an article), I am honestly suprised 'blood letting' wasn't also included in the controversial eight-page booklet on how to use physical punishment under the present law.

These guys seriously need to get dialed into some clues.
Reverend Eru says: Being awake requires more effort than just walking around with both your eyes open.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

22 July 2006


Jonas Geirnaert graduation project "FLATLIFE" (2004), selected for Short Films in Competition at the Cannes Film Festival 2004.

Mostly just an excuse to try Google Videos 'send to blog option' I've just noticed sitting in the side bar. That's pretty cool.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

21 July 2006

When is redmeat not redmeat? When it's chicken.

We had a dubious encounter today at the halal butcher shop we frequent that's had me scratching my head. Readers of my earlier post would recall I already think quite a bit about this subject and it's probably nothing but what would you think?

Sue reached into the freezer and pulled out what she thought was lamb mince mislabelled as chicken mince because, (a picture here would have been really great I know) it was red and looked just like lamb mince or failing that possibly beef or ugh um..goat?

When she asked whether it was lamb or beef the counter person was confident and assured us its contents contained 100 % chicken thigh mince. Now, I'm no food technician or Muslim for that matter, but isn't chicken white meat? Of course under cooked chicken will always be pink and bleed red but this was frozen and I thought the halal ritual (similar to kosher) included bleeding the animal doesn't it?

Certainly dodgy and one that should be filed under 'things that make you go hmm?' wouldn't you say?

By Erueti Brown with No comments

20 July 2006

Awesome Caption Swag Giveaway.

The last couple of weeks have proved to be pretty average and lack luster round here and I apologise for the poor quality of content in my contributions to the blog (maybe the 1% rule also applies to things worth posting to your blog?)

So how about this blogs first giveaway? Actually, technically it's this blogs second giveaway but as yet no one has reponded to that giveaway either.

However, I will award this fantasticly crappy prize below...
(even crappier in person, but I think that adds to it's overall charm and 'sentimental blogger' value)

x1 Die cast, 1940 Ford Drag Truck 1/64 scale Hot Wheels truck.
... and post it (at my expense) to the person who comes up with the best caption for this image...

Huughhgh... I need a caption like I need a dick!

So if you're at all interested and would like to take this crappy truck off my hands be in with a chance to win, just put your thinking cap on (I'll allow photoshopping etc for the truly hearty bunch) and either drop either a comment in this post or email me at freetruck@whythefucknot.com with 'Awesome Caption Swag Giveaway.' in the subject line before say ... 9pm( NZ time), July 31, 2006 and I'll annouce the winner on the 1st of August.
It's just that easy.

Great, good luck I'm off to go brrrrrr'ming round the house one last time with my truck.

By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

19 July 2006


A wee while ago, I caught wind of this great webcomic, xkcd, and I keep forgetting to make a post on it before the memestream also catch the vapors and it churns it's way into the .old category.

xkcd rather aptly describes itself as "a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language." While at times the humour can seem somewhat incrowd chic geek, I found most of the strips greatly amusing and admittedly I was still there after my first hour skurfing the archive. Enjoy.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

18 July 2006

"Greetings 8-bit Over Lords."

If you too are excited and obsessed by the inevitable invasion of your city by the 'space invaders', you'll probably be into this impressive piece of stop-motion animation I've recently stumbled over.
It must have taken some keen organisation to pull this off and should serve as a reminder of the zen saying. The more things change, the more things stay the same.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

17 July 2006

Random idea #17.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

16 July 2006

Random idea #355.

I am neither a Trekkie, Nasa Space Buff or active S.E.T.I. enthusiast - but there are some ideas about our place in this universe that have been making the rounds in the neural pathways that make up the network that is my brain ...

Imagine for one moment somewhere out there is a highly developed alien civilization existing one billion light years from earth. Now let's say for curiosities sake, this alien race is searching for any sentient life forms in the universe and is so technologically advanced they have in their possession a powerful telescope that could enable them to easily gaze over the surface of a given planet and deduce whether or not it was inhabited by any suitable candidacy.

Given our coordinates, I wonder whether they would see any tell-tale signs at all of complex organised intelligence. I highly doubt they would see any of our collective cultures greatest achievements, like 'The Great Wall of China' the 'The Nasca Lines' the 'Pyramids' etc (and providing they were advanced enough to see-through the walls of my house) I don't think they would be able to see me typing these words right now.

No. It is my belief and therefore conclusion that because of the great distances involved and the time it would take for the light from our planet to reach them, they wouldn't see our planet in any 'Real time' sense relative to 'our' existence.
Any alien observers would in fact merely see our world as it existed one billion years ago, which is a shame because depending on whether you actually believe it or not, the most complicated life forms around at that time were a couple of large colonies of algae ... To Be continued.

In any case, this half baked, half pieced together idea is a work in progress and a window into some of the processes that have been going on in my upstairs dept.
I may come back to this later and either refine or scrap it altogether.
Any and all comments and/or insights are of course always welcomed.
BTW my regular readers may have noticed that despite my best efforts I missed yesterdays daily post. Whoops.


By Erueti Brown with No comments

14 July 2006

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

This post bangs out loud to the members of the deep rolling Quest set.
A reaction to the winter blues probably was right, but Friday was the end of it and just like that I'm out like super tapered stone washed jeans.

Cheers, you guys are down like clowns and if you're ever keen to join me for a non caffeinated beverage sometime, it's my buy.

By Erueti Brown with 2 comments

13 July 2006

Too Much Coffee Man?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
I am prepared to admit it.
I might have a bit of a drinking problem.
I am a Caffiend. But at least for now, I am a functioning Caffiend.

I get up around 5:45am and start up with a fresh glass of 'V8' fruit juice and a Berocca tablet. Then I try to get into the gallery just before 7am, usually sucking back my first red bull of the day as I open the front doors.

By 7:15am, I've seasoned my machine, sorted my grind and as the even flowrate of 9 Atmospheric bars of pressure work their way through the first of four 18gram doses, I watch the extractions drip..drip..drip then gently drop like mousetails into my ceramic demitasse cups, releasing their flavours and oils with the crema steadily building a familiar figure 8 strange attractor pattern through the chaotic turbulence of the viscous fluid.

7:30am and so far I've had at least or for the most part anywhere from 2-6 short shots of coffee, a red bull (or two), the better part of 1 litre of water and I'm finally ready to open the doors.

Thoughout the day, I generally sample extractions between grind changes to maintain extraction quality control and keep within 'the zone', so on an average day it's not uncommon for me to consume anywhere between 5-12 double shots over a 9 hour period. That's not inclusive of energy drinks or the times when I actually feel like a coffee.

And yes, because you must be wondering, I do quite frequently overdose.
Giddiness, headaches, sweats, heart palpitations, tunnel vision, fleeting speech patterns, concentration, short and long term memory problems, mole people visitations and psyhic apocalyptic visions - are just some of the things I try not to think about while I 'ride that twisting dragon out'.
Links and thanks go out to Too Much Coffee Man & Espresso Porn


By Erueti Brown with 1 comment

12 July 2006

Midweek at the watering hole.

Here's a dark video of a Russian Candid Camera prank gone horribily wrong. The surprise ending promises to shock, certainly made me laugh, but then I embrace the darkside.

Also any cat loving readers may wish to consider the 'Tabby Tote' the newest feline transportation system that's currently making the rounds. (It's no 'Bonsai kittens' but it's a start).

By Erueti Brown with No comments

11 July 2006

On his way to St. Ives?

Louis Wain was born in London’s Clerkenwell district in 1860 and eventually became an artist, selling his sketches of dog shows to the Illustrated Sporting News. He married his youngest sister's governess, Emily Richardson, which was considered quite scandalous at the time. His wife contracted breast cancer and died three years later. To entertain her on her sickbed, Wain started drawing their cat, Peter. Emily encouraged him to send these drawings to newspapers and magazines, and soon the Louis Wain cat was a household name, not only in Britain but also in America, where his comics and drawings of cats appeared in several newspapers. Louis Wain was elected as President of the National Cat Club and wrote the book 'In Animal Land with Louis Wain' in 1904. Wain continued drawing cats for newspapers and children’s books until he fell victim to schizophrenia in 1917 at the age of 57. Coupled with WWI and the public dwindling interest it cats, Wain soon fell into poverty and in 1924 was certified “insane” and committed to the pauper’s wing of a mental hospital in Tooting, England. Years later a foundation was set up for him by his peers (including the famous H.G. Wells) which enabled Wain to spend the last years of his life in comfort in private asylums in Southwark and Napsbury, where he continued to paint and draw his cats. Wain allows us a unique insight into the delusions and course of illness in a late onset schizophrenic.

Wain’s early work, while strange to some, is dominated by fanciful imagery of cats dressed in human clothes or engaged in human activity. Considering that much of his work was political cartooning and illustrating for children’s books, the early work seems an adequate representation of his pre-schizophrenic period.

During the onset of his disease at 57, Wain continued to paint, draw and sketch cats, but the focus changed from fanciful situations, to focus on the cats themselves.

Characteristic changes in the art began to occur, changes common to schizophrenic artists. Jagged lines of bright color began emanating from his feline subjects. The outlines of the cats became sever and spiky, and their outlines persisted well throughout the sketches, as if they were throwing off energy.

Soon the cats became abstracted, seeming now to be made up of hundreds of small repetitive shapes, coming together in a clashing jangles of color that transform the cat into something resembling an Eastern diety.

The abstraction continued, the cats now being seen as made up by small repeating patterns, almost fractal in nature.

Until finally they ceased to resemble cats at all, and became the ultimate abstraction, an indistinct form made up by near symmetrical repeating patterns.

Wain, like many late onset schizophrenics, never recovered from his illness. Because of the invention and increase in availability of medications effective in treating schizophrenia, the prognosis for someone diagnosed with the disorder today is much better than the one for Wain, who had been diagnosed in 1917. There is no yet known cause for the late onset in this type of schizophrenia, much like there is no known cause for the onset in the early type. Theories include much the same hypotheses as those for early onset, namely chemical imbalances and/or traumatic experience coupled with a genetic predisposition to the disorder.

By Erueti Brown with No comments

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