Behold & Come Hither Flock For I am Your Shepherd.

One of these pictures is false but make no mistake. I am now a fully ordained minister of the Universal Life Church (ULC) with the Authority to absolve you of your sins. So here Sinner, while they're going have a blessing on the house.

I'm not 100% certain whether I can practice as a Reverend in New Zealand yet, but if your willing to pay the expenses for me to fly and stay in the U.S. then I'm your man of the cloth baby!
From marriages, baptisms, exorcism and emergency body disposal (that'll costa ya) I'll hook you and yours up from here to Eternity.
In fact, on U.S. soil I can perform any and all duties and services a person of the clergy can provide (and many I'm sure they can't) With the exception of one.
Circumcision.
Which make's sense. I don't think it's much to sacrifice for the sake of my new faith and besides, I'm not one of those priests whining about needing to hold a baby's dick.
So the next time your spiritual foundations are shaking. Remember E for Eucharist and think of me, Rev. "middle guy" Eru Brown - Your one stop shop for access to Everything Everlasting!
You can contact me through my forwarding address rev.eru.brown@godlikebuthumble.com

Go forth in peace and take another blessing with ya f--ken punk.

* If you too feel a calling to become ordained, find absolution, become holier than thou and wave it everyone's face, your salvation is at hand here. And like all good things created and available in this abundant universe by God, a higher power or flying spaghetti Monster- it's free (And you won't have to wait around for 7 days either because it's instant.)

- Amen.

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By Erueti Brown with 2 comments